17/12/2012 Day #211

Dear You,

A new day with no news from you. Again, I have been spending my day on Facebook, waiting for an email, waiting for you to change your profil picture, waiting for me to forget you. None of this happened today.

We are in one group on Facebook together the last proof that we used to be in the same groupe, the last proof I have really known you and I have not dreamt: you really exist. I did not fantasize you. You are real. It is not as I used to: before knowing you, I dreamt about ideal men. You know, men I would like to spend my days with. Now, I dream about you every night. You are more perfect than the perfection to me. In my dream, I am just next to you. You look at me and you just smile. I often told you that you did not smile enough. You should do it more. You are so serious. When you smiled you shone and you lit my day.

You took me out of myself. I thought I was nothing, with you I felt I was close to perfection since you were/are the most perfect on earth. Because I spent my time crying over what I had with you, everybody say I will find someone. So, everytime, I answered: "I don't want someone, I want him." Even if I was in the mood to find another guy, I could not: all the guys are nothing compared to you.

My brain is talking. It says that you were the best that could happen to me, but then, why does it hurt so much. Please, text me, email me, add me on facebook. I will not talk, I won't say a thing. I just want to be around you. To be your shadow.

i don't care if you never love, if you never kiss me again. I just want to see my name in your friends list just to believe that I am one of them. Every day, I remember the time when we were emailing and I feel like a fool for destroying everything. I can not forget the nice stuffs you said. I can not forget the long tuesdays when I was in my 8 hour seminar. It used to be the worst day of the week, but since it was the day we exchanged emails, I loved it.

Now, everytime something funny happens, I can not tell you. I wish I could tell you all the shits that have been happening since you left me/ Because, you left me alone. I feel like a little girl being punished for something. But for what ? Why are you so rude ? You wanted to be friend, you told me that you took an interest in me. Why are you kicking me out of your life ?

Everything reminds me of you. I don't know how I can not go on. I have no more aim, no more motivation. Each time someone tells me I look good, I'm pretty or funny, or when my parents say they are proud of me, I don't hear them. The only thing I hear is you telling me to find someone else. I don't want to do that. Even if I wanted I just can not. It is beyond me.

I love you,

and I care,

I am forever yours,